this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
