i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
