she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
