He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
