i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
