Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
