1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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