i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
