I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
