You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
