I want to stick my p in your. b.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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