i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
