Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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