take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize