I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
