k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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