So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I look better un-naked...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize