i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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