i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize