He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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