To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
