Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
