you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
