Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
