But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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