Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
