What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
