she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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