I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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