it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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