this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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