dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
