hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
