My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
