So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize