my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
