hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize