I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
