we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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