In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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