I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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