There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
