just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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