Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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