Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
