I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
