CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We are two peas in an std pod
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
