just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
