Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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