Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
