I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
