That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
