I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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