I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
