Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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