"it" just moved
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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