What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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