4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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