He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
