I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
