i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
