Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
