This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize