ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize