Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
