he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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