I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
