I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Im part way to drunk.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
