I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
